Sunday, June 28, 2009

marriage is for suckas

get married, settle down, and have kids...


think about it. once you get married you cant pork whoever or whatever you want. u gotta stay home and pork da same woman every single night. then she gets tired of it, and wants to put new curtains on da windows. or she wants to put a new carpet in da living room.

I HATE DAT BORING CRAP! i couldn't even pretend to be interested in curtains or decorating a house. JUST COOK ME DINNER! and then da older you get, all you eat is meatloaf and stuff. u cant just be married and have mcdonalds!!

and when u get married u have to listen to your wife talk about stuff. I DONT WANNA HEAR DAT! talking about paying bills and stuff. I JUST WANTED TO PORK YOU NOT SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE TALKING ABOUT WIENER BULL CRAP!

then da next step is to have kids. SNOT NOSED BRATTY KIDS! u already have your wife asking for shopping money! now you gotta pay for your kid's stupid poop filled diapers. BUY YOUR OWN DIAPERS YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE! babies cant talk, they can't walk, they just lie around being useless. WE NEED LESS BABIES IN DIS COUNTRY!! then they get older and they want all kinds of stupid crap! like toys and an education!

if i ever had kids, i wouldn't even want them to do homework! dat stupid crap is stupid! i would tell them to stay home frum school and plow da fields! or to clean my toilet after burrito night!

so don't be a sucka. dont get married. just pork da girl and leave!!!


MC Gee Gee

Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael Jordan paranoid!!!

World reknowned basketball star Michael Jordan has recently expressed fear over his impending death. "I mean, first Michael Jackson died. We both are MJ. And we both have the same first name. It has me very worried" said Jordan.

Jordan also said that he has been seeing crazy visions, such as basketballs coming to life with razor sharp teeth, and Looney Tunes characters warning him of "the coming". "I mean, me and Bugs Bunny were friends when we did SPACE JAM. but when he came to my house last night, he looked like a zombie" said Jordan, who has become huge and fat since his retirement.

Jordan also said "I just want all the monsters to know that i'm not scared. not only do i know karate, but i AM mortal kombat. If Freddy Krueger wants to see me, he better be ready. because i know all of the fatalities". Then he whipped out a Sega Genesis controller, with the box to the game Mortal Kombat 2.

Hours after this interview, Michael Jordan was spotted in his front yard dressed as batman fighting off imaginary monsters with a broom. He was, however, not wearing pants.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

my rap career

my long hard road down da rap world has been long and hard. i furst fell in love with rap when i was 3 and i heard dr. dre's "The Chronic". around dis time, i also fell in love wit poop jokes. i knew when i learned how to spell, i would start writing rhymes. when i turned 9 years old and i finally learned how to spell, i wrote my first rap "da poop gonna plop":

yo yo yo yo

don't you know know know

i got flow flow flow flow

im not a hoe hoe hoe hoe

and i'm gonna poop on you

dat was my first rhyme. since then i have pioneered my own style of rap called POOP RAP. when i formed my rap group DA EXPLOSIONS everyone was hesitant about rhyming about bodily functions. but i told them dat with time, we would change da rap game. we started to get some attention, and Detroit rapper Esham even gave me a shout out on one of his songs (it's at da :36 mark):

with this shout out people began to ask "who is dis gee gee guy?". we eventually signed a deal with Universal records. however when the ceo of da company heard our raps, he gotted furious and threw us out. he said that his son signed us as a joke. since then we haven't gotten a record deal. so we started our own label "Da Explosions Records".

when i look at rappers out in da world now, i can tell they have been inspired by me. at least, when soulja boy takes a dump, he probably thinking "i should rap about this like MC Gee Gee does".

thank you everyone for da hard earned respect!!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Super soaker fun

man i had fun today. so my grandmother had her 80th birthday. and da whole family was together in my backyard. they was all eating buffalo wings and drinking beers. i just stayed in my room, while my stupid nerdy cousin kept asking me if i wanted to have a catch. "WHY DON'T YOU CATCH MY BALLZ?" i would scream at him. "come on, lets have some fun" he would say. so i gotted an idea. all my family members in one place at one time? TIME TO GRAB MY SUPERSOAKER. so i got out my HUGE supersoaker and i pulled my pants down. "Hold my wiener for a second" i yelled at my cousin. as he held my wiener, i slowly peed into da fuel cartridge of da supersoaker. then when i had enuff pee to fill up da supersoaker, i went into my backyard. seconds later, more den 20 of my family members was covered in my wee wee. they were mad cos they were all wet, but when they found out it was my pee, they gotted REALLY mad. my grandmother came up to me and said "you've ruined what could be my last birthday". so i tried to spray her wit da supersoaker, but it was all out of pee. so i went and found a dog turd and hurled it at her old wrinkled face. "TAKE DAT YOU OLD DAME!" i yelled. she started crying and i was sent to my room. DA END!