movie reviews

yo what up! dis yo big homie MC Gee Gee, and every week I will be reviewing 3 new movies, so dat u peeps don't get suckered into seeing a crappy movie. NO SPOILERS or whatever dem nerds say.



SHUTTER ISLAND: Dis movie was okay, because there was like all these crazy maniacs and stuff, and dats awesome. it would have been cooler if jason and freddy was in it, and leatherface comes in and kills jason and freddy. and then michael myers comes in and he's all like "yo leatherface lets join sides" and then mike myers kills leatherface. and then chucky tries to kill myers, but chucky is just a stupid doll and myers kills chucky in like two seconds. then jason comes back and kills everyone, cos jason never dies. but none of dis happened in da movie.

RATING: 3 poops out of 5.



CRAZY HEART: I HATED DIS MOVIE! NO EXPLOSIONS OR NOTHING! and da big lebowski is in it, but he isn't da big lebowski. he's some old country singer dat smells like farts. but he gets drunk all da time, which is cool, but still. there was all these words and talking da whole time, and he kept playing country songs. and no one in da movie gets shot or explodes. waste of time.

RATING: 1 poop out of 5.



PRECIOUS: damn dis hoe is fat. she's like a big blimp. i would still pork her though. she would probly crush me, but still. we could lie in bed and eat pizza afterwards. then i would leave and never call her again. and da mom was all nasty and she throws a TV at precious, which was cool. da mom was ugly, but i would probly pork her too. da mom was awesome cos she was always screaming and yelling and throwing stuff. dats my kinda woman. but none of dem gotted naked, and there wasn't any explosions.

RATING: 2 poops out of 5.


TAKE DAT EBERT!!!

da oscars SUCKED!!!

once again, da stupid oscars were stupid dis year. no naked chicks or explosions as usual. they didn't even nominate THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD. buncha crap. i'm so tired of seeing all these plastic women and stupid wiener face actors babble on. and da jokes was stupid. steve martin and alec baldwin are old and sh*t.



here are some of my oscar jokes dat i sent in but they never told:



avatar? more like poopytar!



da blind side was stupid.



da hurt locker? sounds like my butt after a night in prison.



up in da air? MORE LIKE UP IN YOUR BUTT!



how about dis movie precious? can you imagine how big dat girl's dumps must be! POW!!



none of these jokes made it to da oscars. for shame. i can't beleive i even watched da whole thing. my sister and mom watched with me and they kept crying during all da acceptance speeches. PTOO! they'll cry over anything!

DA OSCARS S*CKED!!!

great danes

great danes are awesome! have you seen how big they are? they ain't even dogs, they dinosaurs! DATS FRICKIN AWESOME!!! can you imagine how big their poops are? bar har har har! their poops are probly da same size as my house cat. BAR AHR ARHAR HAR AHRAH RARH!!



i wanna get a great dane but my moms won't let me. STUPID HOOKER! i can't stand her. we gots dis little terrier, dis little piece of loud garbage. da dog couldn't kill a fly dat was resting on his walnut sized dump.



when i become a grown up, i'm gonna buy 5 great danes, and i ain't gonna train em, so they become da biggest, loudest, most obnoxious raptors dat ever existed. then when my uncle larry is released frum prison, he won't be able to touch me again. now with my great danes around.

i hate snow!!

i hate dis freaking snow! makes me SOOO MAD! buncha cold frozen water. We just had a huge snowstorm recently, and they cancelled school. SWEET! so i was just planning on enjoying my days off. i was gonna watch TV without my pants on. BUT NO! my moms makes me shovel for da neighbors. FOR MY OLD NEIGHBORS!!



now u all know how much i be hating dem old people. so i'm shoveling dis old lady's driveway, and she keeps staring at me through da window. like she wants to pork me or something. i gotted so mad at her staring at me through her window, dat i threw my shovel at her. DAT SCARED DA CRAP OUT OF HER! then i took a wee wee on her lawn, and i made it spell BAR HAR HAR! i wish i had taken a picture. she came out and was like "you didn't finish shovelin my driveway" and i said "awww who cares you old useless crap! you'll probly die in two weeks anyway!"



i was so mad. then i seen dese little kids making a snowman. i was so mad dat they were enjoying da snow. so i went over and smashed their snowman. totally smashed it. they were so upset they started crying like little wieners. i put my hands on their shoulders and i said "one day, when you grow up, you can be a bully just like me". then i took their sled and threw it on da road and a car hit it.