Sunday, August 15, 2010

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Friday, April 30, 2010

remote battles

yesterday i was watchin wrestling on da tv, and my stupid sister asked me to change da channel. i was like "woman u see me watching wrestling! never interupt a man when he watching wrestling".



then she said "you can watch it again later! its on demand!"


then i said "i'll give u da remote if you let me touch your b00bs."


then she said "ewww im your sister".


then i said "FINE YOU CAN PRY IT FRUM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!"


then i got up, and shoved da tv off da table, and its smashed into pieces. she was shocked dat i did dat. then i said "NOW NO ONE CAN WATCH TV. LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YOU TWO BIT DAME!"


then i threw two dollars at her and i said "go buy yourself a dress, you stupid hooker".


then i left and walked off into da sunset.

Friday, April 16, 2010

stupid fuckin birds!

birds are stupid and dumb

an essay by MC Gee Gee



STUPID BIRDS! birds think they is all cool cos they can fly and stuff. YEA WHY DONT YOU FLY TO YO MOMS BEFORE I'M DONE WIT HER??? birds are so dumb dat they kill themselves by flying into windows. becos they think their reflection is another bird.



now i've been called da mostest stupid thing ever by a lot of friends and family.



but at least you dont see me killing myself by running into mirrors.



AND STOP CHIRPING IN DA MORNING WHEN I BE TRYIN TO SLEEP! DEM BIRDS ALL LOUD AND S**T!! why da hell do they do dat anyway? take your chirping bull, and SHOVE IT!



then you gots penguins. penguins is so stupid they can't even fly. AND THEY ALL UP IN DA SNOW! I HATE SNOW! lazy fat blubbering penguins. same with chickens. I ate KFC last night. and i was laffing da whole time. i even started yelling at my meal. i was like "if u knew how to fly i wouldn't be eating you rite now!!" and they kicked me out of da store cos i was bein loud and yelling at everyone else's KFC meals.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

miss piggy


i know now i dont want y'all to judge me, cos i be a decent person. but when i was kid and i used to watch da muppets (da real muppets, not dat piece of crap baby show), i used to get hard whenever miss piggy came on.

i still do to dis day. i fantasize dat i be kermit da frog. and im like all busy in da office writing muppets shows, and miss piggy comes in. she's all like "oooh kermy lets do it on da copy machine" and i'm like "DARNIT WOMAN CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WRITING MY SHOW HERE". cos you know kermit wants it from her.

you see, i think dat since kermit comes from a frog family, his parents would disown him if he porked miss piggy. cos frogs are racist. but in my fantasy, i'm kermit and i'm like "alright jus dis one time, but if anyone finds out...i'm in deap doo doo". then i would do her on da copy machine.

dis would be a good muppets episode, cos it would reflect on inter spiecies love or somethin. and it would teach snot nosed kids some lesson.



plus i wanna do miss piggy.

Monday, March 8, 2010

movie reviews

yo what up! dis yo big homie MC Gee Gee, and every week I will be reviewing 3 new movies, so dat u peeps don't get suckered into seeing a crappy movie. NO SPOILERS or whatever dem nerds say.



SHUTTER ISLAND: Dis movie was okay, because there was like all these crazy maniacs and stuff, and dats awesome. it would have been cooler if jason and freddy was in it, and leatherface comes in and kills jason and freddy. and then michael myers comes in and he's all like "yo leatherface lets join sides" and then mike myers kills leatherface. and then chucky tries to kill myers, but chucky is just a stupid doll and myers kills chucky in like two seconds. then jason comes back and kills everyone, cos jason never dies. but none of dis happened in da movie.

RATING: 3 poops out of 5.



CRAZY HEART: I HATED DIS MOVIE! NO EXPLOSIONS OR NOTHING! and da big lebowski is in it, but he isn't da big lebowski. he's some old country singer dat smells like farts. but he gets drunk all da time, which is cool, but still. there was all these words and talking da whole time, and he kept playing country songs. and no one in da movie gets shot or explodes. waste of time.

RATING: 1 poop out of 5.



PRECIOUS: damn dis hoe is fat. she's like a big blimp. i would still pork her though. she would probly crush me, but still. we could lie in bed and eat pizza afterwards. then i would leave and never call her again. and da mom was all nasty and she throws a TV at precious, which was cool. da mom was ugly, but i would probly pork her too. da mom was awesome cos she was always screaming and yelling and throwing stuff. dats my kinda woman. but none of dem gotted naked, and there wasn't any explosions.

RATING: 2 poops out of 5.


TAKE DAT EBERT!!!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

da oscars SUCKED!!!

once again, da stupid oscars were stupid dis year. no naked chicks or explosions as usual. they didn't even nominate THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD. buncha crap. i'm so tired of seeing all these plastic women and stupid wiener face actors babble on. and da jokes was stupid. steve martin and alec baldwin are old and sh*t.



here are some of my oscar jokes dat i sent in but they never told:



avatar? more like poopytar!



da blind side was stupid.



da hurt locker? sounds like my butt after a night in prison.



up in da air? MORE LIKE UP IN YOUR BUTT!



how about dis movie precious? can you imagine how big dat girl's dumps must be! POW!!



none of these jokes made it to da oscars. for shame. i can't beleive i even watched da whole thing. my sister and mom watched with me and they kept crying during all da acceptance speeches. PTOO! they'll cry over anything!

DA OSCARS S*CKED!!!

great danes

great danes are awesome! have you seen how big they are? they ain't even dogs, they dinosaurs! DATS FRICKIN AWESOME!!! can you imagine how big their poops are? bar har har har! their poops are probly da same size as my house cat. BAR AHR ARHAR HAR AHRAH RARH!!



i wanna get a great dane but my moms won't let me. STUPID HOOKER! i can't stand her. we gots dis little terrier, dis little piece of loud garbage. da dog couldn't kill a fly dat was resting on his walnut sized dump.



when i become a grown up, i'm gonna buy 5 great danes, and i ain't gonna train em, so they become da biggest, loudest, most obnoxious raptors dat ever existed. then when my uncle larry is released frum prison, he won't be able to touch me again. now with my great danes around.

Friday, March 5, 2010

i hate snow!!

i hate dis freaking snow! makes me SOOO MAD! buncha cold frozen water. We just had a huge snowstorm recently, and they cancelled school. SWEET! so i was just planning on enjoying my days off. i was gonna watch TV without my pants on. BUT NO! my moms makes me shovel for da neighbors. FOR MY OLD NEIGHBORS!!



now u all know how much i be hating dem old people. so i'm shoveling dis old lady's driveway, and she keeps staring at me through da window. like she wants to pork me or something. i gotted so mad at her staring at me through her window, dat i threw my shovel at her. DAT SCARED DA CRAP OUT OF HER! then i took a wee wee on her lawn, and i made it spell BAR HAR HAR! i wish i had taken a picture. she came out and was like "you didn't finish shovelin my driveway" and i said "awww who cares you old useless crap! you'll probly die in two weeks anyway!"



i was so mad. then i seen dese little kids making a snowman. i was so mad dat they were enjoying da snow. so i went over and smashed their snowman. totally smashed it. they were so upset they started crying like little wieners. i put my hands on their shoulders and i said "one day, when you grow up, you can be a bully just like me". then i took their sled and threw it on da road and a car hit it.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

tiger woods did what was right


i'm tired of everyone bad mouthing tiger woods. not only did he do da right thing, but he is a hero cos he porked all those chicks. so what he cheated on his wife? its obvious he was gettin tired of her and she wasn't putting out enuff. she deserved it. and everyone says "well what about da kids" and i say FUCK THOSE STUPID KIDS! little brats should be more concerned with becoming great golfers like their dad.

and did u see all those chicks tiger porked? MAN! THEY WAS ALL HOT! tiger's wife is hot too, but he probly gotted tired of her after he did her five times. dis is her fault for not pleasing her famous husband enuff. tiger should have cheated on her, video taped it, and showed da videotape to her. like "dis is why i cheat on you cos you ain't doing what dis chick did to me last night". she should write it down so she gets it right.

Friday, February 26, 2010

cats take sissy dumps!

you ever seen a cat poop? i got dis cat named gizmo. and whenever she poops, she has to go hide in her precious litter box so we dont see, and then she gently takes a small dump. then she sprinkles her magic fairy dust (kitty litter) on it so dat it don't stink. BULLCRAP! dogs know how to dump. you just take em out and they take huge log turds WHEREVER THEY FEEL LIKE! they dont care THEY WANT YOU TO SEE IT! they take pride in it. sometimes they even try to sniff it and EAT IT! bar ahr ahr har harh arh ar!

cat dumps

Thursday, February 25, 2010

nurse hospital doctor shows




dis post is about how angry i get dat every single stinking night they be playing STUPID HOSPITAL NURSE DOCTOR SHOWS! shows where its women nurses whining to their husbands or arguing with patient's parents. WHO DA HELL WANTS TO SEE DAT CRAP? NO BODY! i hate hospitals. hospitals are boring and they gots all these sick old people in dem, with tubes going in their noses and stuff. and da food smells like poo poo and doo doo. i know cos i had to stay in a hospital to visit my dying grandma. and she ordered spaghetti and it came up and looked more like poopsghetti. then i had to watch my ugly old granma try to eat it. it made me sick watching her shove dat crap into her wrinkled, drool dribbling mouth. she was so weak dat she dropped da spaghetti and it gotted on her shirt. two days later she died.



grays anatomy

scrubs

house

nurse jackie

private practice

er



gah my sister loves these shows cos she in nursing school. whenever she watches it on tv i go and unplug da tv and throw da remote out da window. NUFF SAID!



so, in conclusion, take dat crap off da airwaves or i'm gonna get REALLY mad.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

jerhova witness


so i was walking around my neighborhood looking for worms and crap to throw at my sister, when dis guy in a tie comes up to me. some pale faced blonde haired wiener. and he says "have u been saved?" and i was like "i saved a big mac last week and its still in my room and i gonna eat it". he just looked at me like i was an alien or something.

then he started talking about god and stuff. i was like "if there was a god, i would be riding in a limo wit gold rim tires, and i would be porking ten fat chicks at da same time, and nerds would be sent to prison". then he said dat sex is a sacred thing that should be saved for marriage. i said "yea sex is a sacred thing for my ding a ling!"

oh yea! then i said "if there was a god, he would take dumps SOOOO big dat da whole universe would be covered in turdy doomsday". then he just looked down on da ground, walked over to dis trash can, and threw his bible out.


i hear dat he was arrested for crack possesion or something a week later.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Friday, February 5, 2010

poopemon



da japanese made millions off pokemon. so i came up wit an even better idea: POOPEMON!!



poop monsters! and there are 200 poopemon to collect. poopemon are poop monsters dat fight each other with powers such as stink bomb, royal flush, and stank smells! and they evolve too! if you get your browny to level 33 it turns into brownydragon! think of da possibilites!



i just need $500000 to get it started. send your cash to:

MC GEE GEE

mc gee gee's house

america usa



WHAT DO YOU THINK???

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Friday, January 22, 2010