yo what up! dis yo big homie MC Gee Gee, and every week I will be reviewing 3 new movies, so dat u peeps don't get suckered into seeing a crappy movie. NO SPOILERS or whatever dem nerds say.
SHUTTER ISLAND: Dis movie was okay, because there was like all these crazy maniacs and stuff, and dats awesome. it would have been cooler if jason and freddy was in it, and leatherface comes in and kills jason and freddy. and then michael myers comes in and he's all like "yo leatherface lets join sides" and then mike myers kills leatherface. and then chucky tries to kill myers, but chucky is just a stupid doll and myers kills chucky in like two seconds. then jason comes back and kills everyone, cos jason never dies. but none of dis happened in da movie.
RATING: 3 poops out of 5.
CRAZY HEART: I HATED DIS MOVIE! NO EXPLOSIONS OR NOTHING! and da big lebowski is in it, but he isn't da big lebowski. he's some old country singer dat smells like farts. but he gets drunk all da time, which is cool, but still. there was all these words and talking da whole time, and he kept playing country songs. and no one in da movie gets shot or explodes. waste of time.
RATING: 1 poop out of 5.
PRECIOUS: damn dis hoe is fat. she's like a big blimp. i would still pork her though. she would probly crush me, but still. we could lie in bed and eat pizza afterwards. then i would leave and never call her again. and da mom was all nasty and she throws a TV at precious, which was cool. da mom was ugly, but i would probly pork her too. da mom was awesome cos she was always screaming and yelling and throwing stuff. dats my kinda woman. but none of dem gotted naked, and there wasn't any explosions.
RATING: 2 poops out of 5.
TAKE DAT EBERT!!!